His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
