I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
