smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
