Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
