Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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