Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
