I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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