I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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