I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
