I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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