3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
