I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
