It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
