I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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