As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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