I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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