After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
