Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
