I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
