there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
