You're my little dorito
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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