Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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