and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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