dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
