it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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