This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
