just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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