dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
