I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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