just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
