wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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