At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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