There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
