Just fell off a train. Bad.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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