If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
