My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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