Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
