I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
