We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
