u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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