yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
