Define "chronic" masturbator.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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