i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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