Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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