My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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