Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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