your thong is hanging out like whoa
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
