Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
