did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
