Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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