I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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