One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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