k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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