Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
