I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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