I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she looked like the before picture.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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