oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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