i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
