okay pat passed out under dana's car
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
