after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
