it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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