you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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