Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
