And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
