go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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