If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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