everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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