I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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