I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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