there's paper in my vomit.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
