she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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