I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
