I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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