Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize