he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
