Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
be right there i have to get my cape
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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