I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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