He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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