I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i've created a new STD.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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