I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't tell me you're on acid again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
